For most of us, birthdays are times for reflection. It is a time when we love to look back (hopefully, not in anger) to all the years gone by and recollect some memories which are gathering dusts in the vaults inside our heads. It is also a time to assess ourselves on the things we accomplished and how far have we gone.
As I celebrate my 29th March 17 last Friday, I pondered on these things and realized that I have done and accomplished nothing much for one simple reason—I’m still here. Yup, I’m still here and nothing much has changed. I’m still staying in my parent’s house (which, I supposed I will inherit anyway.hehehe), still sleeping in the very same room I had since high school. My walls are still plastered with Guns N’ Roses Live, San Mig Light promotional and FHM centerfold posters. My closet is still filled with years-old clothes, magazines (FHM, Pulp, Men’s Health) and plenty of boxes containing my cassette tapes collection, some dating back to my high school days when the damn thing still costs around 45 to 75 pesos each. While some of my friends already have their own homes, apartments or pads, I’m still here in the only place I’d love to call home all my life. When it comes to career, I’m still here doing the same job for the past seven years. While some of my friends have already climbed up the corporate ladder or successful in their own business, I’m still here receiving a meager salary which, from time to time, would make me think twice in buying that original Oasis CD and branded clothes. Eventually, I’ll decide to just download Oasis tracks (sorry Noel and Liam) from the net and buy new shirts only when it’s on sale. While some people I personally knew are already living their dream lives in foreign shores, I’m still here in my hometown, stuck between the green, green grass and the clear blue skies. And this is the heaviest reason which made me feel stalled so far—while many of my friends are already married, and some already have kids who are in pre-school and elementary grades, I’m still single. And almost everyday, you’re being asked the same old fuckin’ question—“so, when are you getting married?” To borrow a line from U2, I’m stuck in a moment and I can’t get out of it.
Yet birthdays are also high times to count our blessings instead of sheep, wolves, hyenas or whatever. And this made me realized that the reason which made me feel stuck is also the very same reason I feel blessed. Yes, I feel blessed because—I’m still here. I’m still here with my family and we’re still intact. I’m still here with my girlfriend and through thick and thin, summers and storms, we are still together. I’m still here with my old friends, a little group who’s always been and always will until the end. I feel blessed to have this job and while my salary is not that much it afforded me my life’s simple pleasures such as pirated CDs, DVDs, MP3s, magazines, gadgets, clothes and basketball shoes-on-sale and group vacations to nearby tourist destinations. I may be doing the same job for years now but it offers me some luxury—not much pressure, opportunity to be on field and some time to write this blog (hahaha!). I may not own a car (not yet!) but my 4-year old Honda motorbike (whose only prominent feature is the Metallica sticker in the front plastic cover) never fails to take me to my countless dates, errands, gimmicks and basketball games. I feel blessed because I can still play the game and can still hold my own against younger and stronger players. I feel blessed to be single (though I suspect it won’t be for long.hehehe), which gave me one thing most of us would really hate to give up—freedom. And I definitely feel blessed that I was able to watch Rivermaya (along with Brownman Revival) performed in Malaybalay last week. The concert was a nostalgic rock n’ roll trip, which brings back memories of my youthful days (as if I’m really that old).
While singing along to Rivermaya’s Awit ng Kabataan, I wonder if I’m still a part of that generation the song was written for. Well, I do believe that age, like contentment, is a state of mind. I may be stuck in this moment, but this moment is a gift. As some guys from a band called Jethro Tull blurted, “You’re never too old to rock & roll if you’re too young to die.” For this I say, thank you Lord for thinking ‘bout me, I’m alive and doing fine (now, that’s a line from Tesla’s Signs).